another moral hangover. fuck.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
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Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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