yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
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and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
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He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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