Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
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1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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