so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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