I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
