I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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