I'm lost and stupid without you.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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