Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
