She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
