In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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