Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
