Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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