a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
