I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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