the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
