Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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