i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
