i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
