I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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