before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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