Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also, beer. Big fan.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
