i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
