Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
