I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
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Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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