On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
