Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
