Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
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Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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