Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
