Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
