you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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