some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
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uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
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For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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