Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
