Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
