But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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