Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
