You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
