I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
