I think I died a long time ago.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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