my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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