Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
