i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Mom said you looked used
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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