opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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