So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
