My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
