my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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