Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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