im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
