The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted