The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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