How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
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I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
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Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon