I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba