ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Michael Bay diarrhea
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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