just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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