good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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