4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
