By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
