just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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