I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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