literally had 100 drinks last night.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
