In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
