its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
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Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
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American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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