an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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