I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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