I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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