I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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