I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
