rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
