I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
as a side note pls kill me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
