Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
