pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
